Is your toddler putting in a 10 hour day?
You bet he is.
an article by Irine Schweitzer, Psy.D., LCSW
What? You don’t see him getting dressed for work, making lunch, driving off and coming back stressed and exhausted? Well, that’s only because you think work is what adults do. “Toddlers don’t work, they have it easy, they play all day,” you are thinking. Yes, toddlers do play — but for them play is their work.
A toddler is always on the job.
When you see a toddler putting things in containers, tipping them over, putting them back, touching a dog, running in circles, climbing up stairs, throwing a ball, looking at a book, moving to music, crawling, hiding a toy and looking for it, putting on a funny hat, building with blocks, putting a doll to sleep, painting, smearing, crushing, mashing, or smelling, you have just witnessed a toddler at work.
Play allows toddlers to practice the skills they will need as they grow, such as how to climb, how to hold a brush, how to concentrate, how to pay attention, how to make mistakes and how to try again. Through repetition, trial and error, sensory feedback, imagination, and comments from others they learn about their bodies, their feelings, and the boundaries between them and the world around them. Through play toddlers work on developing a sense of themselves, the world, and their place in the world.
Treat your toddler’s work with respect.
Once we, as parents, recognize that our toddlers are working, then…
…We would not simply say, “OK, we need to go home now” when our toddler who is enjoying himself in the park. We would:
- give him fair warning,
- give him time to finish up what he is in a middle of doing,
- acknowledge that we realize that he is enjoying his play and exploration,
- let him know that he will be able to continue next time.
…We would not tell our child to stop his activity just because it is time — like time for lunch. We would:
- pay attention to what the child is doing,
- help him finish that activity before moving on to the next.
…We would not simply ask him to “clean up” when he is in a middle of building a fort, or a car or boat. We would:
- ask him if he wants to save it,
- help him find a way to put it away safely so that he can continue working on it later.
…We would not assume that a full day of outings need not include some “play time” as well. To us, a day full of activities sound like a day that would keep him busy and entertained. To our toddler, it does not take the place of child-directed play time, which everyone needs — even us, adults.
…We would not complain that our toddler likes to touch everything. We would understand why he:
- likes to stick his fingers in all the little holes,
- likes to play with mud,
- likes to make a mess,
- spills his toys on purpose,
- throws the ball hard,
- can’t sit still,
- rips out all the pages from the soft cover book,
- or even likes to step on dog poop.
Recognize your toddler at work.
Create a safe place where he can explore his world, treat this play with respect, and join him in his work. You will watch him grow into a child who is confident, imaginative, and self-assured.
If you would like help with becoming a better parent, please call Irine Schweitzer, LCSW at 818 754-4501 or contact Irine via email.